ELORM

I was done sipping my second cocktail for the night. I always loved the ambiance of the CitySide Hotel bar, the cozy chairs and low lights. This is my third time here, I have decided to do the things that make me happy. After the week I have had, I deserve a treat. Since I can not take myself to Akosombo to relax. I might as well chill here and think about my life.

“Hello baby g3r” a loud voice interrupted me. A scruffy looking man in his mid-forties approached my table, he clearly looked stressed. I gave a wry smile. I did not want to be rude.

“You are beaurriful, I saw you, then I said wow, I told me friend. I have seen my future wife’’ he said in his broken English while pointing to a group of men seated at the far end. They were older and looked like a bunch of politicians all dressed up in caftan.

“Thank you, well, it is quite late. I have to go’’ I said as I got up.

“Oh! just like that, let me take your number’’ he insisted

“That will not be necessary sir’’ I declined politely.

‘’I don’t bite, I only lick’’ he joked and tried to put his arm round my shoulder and I flinched.

‘’Goodnight sir’’ I said sternly.

‘’What is sir? call me Fredo’’ he said as he inched closer. I smelled a mixture of fish and beer on his breath. I got up from my seat when the waiter called out to me. I almost forgot to pay my bill in my bid to avoid this man.

‘’I will take care of it’’ Fredo said. I came out tonight to clear my head and now I am stuck with unwanted company. I was brought up to be independent and as a 30-year-old woman in this Accra, I can afford my drink.

‘’It is fine’’ I said and paid quickly. He did not even bother to insist and then I knew he was just trying his luck.

‘’Let me walk you out’’ he suggested

‘’No please, I will be fine’’

‘’Or you don’t have car? then join me and my friends, we will drop you off’’ he said.

All this won’t be a problem if I had my own car. I brought out my phone to order an Uber but the tariffs were crazy. How about I take an Uber halfway and finish with trotro¹ to my house? I was figuring stuff out as I stepped out of the restaurant. What if I call Kwesi and see if he’s in town so he will pick me up.  Kwesi is my neighbour and long-time friend. When I called, he sounded like there was a lady with him. Trust him to choose a random stranger over his friend.

‘’Baby g3r, relax for me’’ Fredo said and tried to hold my arm. He had followed me to the car park.

‘’Sir, please leave me alone’’ I said sternly, this was borderline harassment. Why can’t these men take a hint?

‘’Leave you alone? okay, let me go straight to the point. How much will you charge?’’ he asked and I was shocked.

‘’Excuse me?’’ I asked surprisingly

‘’Come on, we are all matured‘’ he said, I was too dumbfounded.

‘’I am not what you think I am sir’’

‘’Stop calling me sir, it is Fredo, you ..you…just a BJ will be cool, in the washroom’’ he stuttered.

‘’HMPH! Disgusting’’ I blurted and started to walk across the car park.

‘’See you! mtcheww² you are not even my type, I was just considering you’’ he started shouting as he followed me. Now I was scared, I decided to call the Uber, forget these crazy prices. Just then, I heard a familiar voice.

‘’EL?’’ it was that deep baritone voice I know, his head popped out of a sleek Lexus.

‘’Nana?’’ I called back, surprised to see him. He stepped out of his car.

‘’Is he bothering you?’’ Nana came closer

‘’Yes’’ I answered, relieved to see a familiar face.

‘’Excuse me sir, the lady does not want to be bothered’’ Nana warned.

‘’Is she your girl?’’ he asked

‘’Yes and even if she’s not, you don’t go round harassing women’’ he warned and Mr. Fredo just kissed his teeth and left.

It was a relief to see Nana. But I hated the fact that it took a man to ward off Mr Fredo. Shouldn’t my discomfort be enough? The stress of trying to be polite and stern, even with that, these men do not get it.

‘’Are you alright?’’ Nana asked as he held my hand

‘’I am okay now’’ I said

‘’And where are you going? Looking like a snack and more’’ he teased.

‘’You will not believe it, … but a solo date’’  I answered between pauses.

‘’Well, I guess people change’’

“What about you?‘’ I asked

‘’I met someone here to pick up a parcel, are you going home?’’

‘’Yes, after the night I have had. I need my bed’’ I said

‘’Old lady, the night is still young, let us turn this night around, we drive to Alaye Restaurant, we get your favourite, we go back to my place, eat and relax, then I bring you back home’’ he said

‘’Nana, I guess you have amnesia now, I live with my parents’’

‘’Just tell them you will be home late. I know Auntie D will understand or call Nuerkie and do the usual’’ he suggested.

Nuerkie is my best friend and on some nights when we stay out late. I sleep over at her end and go home in the morning. When I was dating Nana and decide to sleep over at his place, Nuerkie covers up for me. But that hasn’t been the case for the past 2 years since we broke up. I rolled my eyes at that suggestion.

‘’You know my parents don’t like me sleeping elsewhere. Just drop me home Nana’’

‘’I have a spare toothbrush and the Lakers jersey you like to sleep in is waiting for you’’ he tempted

‘’Nana, goodnight’’ I said and took out my phone to call the Uber.

‘’Just kidding, hop in’’ he said

I sat in

‘’New ride?’’ I asked, I liked the mixture of the new car smell and his perfume.

‘’Yep’’

‘’Congratulations, what happened to the old one?’’ I asked

‘’Sold it, I would have given it to you if you were my girlfriend’’ he said as he drove out of the hotel. He knows how long I have been saving to buy a car.

‘’Don’t play games with me’’ I said.

He played music and we spoke about life, updating each other as he drove. We came to a stop at a red light and like muscle memory, he took my hand and kissed it. I quickly pulled away.

“And this is why we definitely can not be friends’’ I remarked.

‘’Sorry, old habit’’ he said

After a long silence, we got to my gate.

‘’I miss you, Elorm’’ he said as soon as he parked.

‘’Noted, and thank you for the ride’’ I said.

‘’Wait, don’t go yet’’ he turned towards me and reached for a hug.

‘’No games!’’ I warned and hugged. The hug lingered longer than expected.

‘’I love you, I still do’’ he whispered in my ear and gave me peck. I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand.

‘’Good to know and thank you’’ I quickly stepped out of the car.

‘’Are you sure you want to sleep in dumsor³? My place has a generator, AC, it’s Friday night…’’ he offered with a whimsical smile.

‘’Nana, free me, and goodnight’’ I said, opened the gate and entered the compound. I called my elder sister to come open the front door for me. Nana waited for me to text him I was inside before he drove away. Just like old times.

I took out my phone and texted the girls group chat .

“Guess who brought me home’’ I asked

‘Kwesi’ Nuerkie guessed.

‘’No, a blast from the past’’ I texted.

The others were offline, I am guessing they were asleep. Dede is a toddler mom hence she could barely keep up with the group chats.

‘’NANA?’’ Nuerkie asked

‘’ 😂’’ I replied

Nuerkie then quickly video called me and I gave her the details of everything that took place.

“Before we get to this Nana situation, you need pepper spray, I came to this conclusion a while back, that is the only message some of these men understand’’ Nuerkie said

‘’Sis, I was really scared cause that situation can turn ugly in a minute. It sucks that another man had to say the word’’

‘’Next time, do not try to be so polite, say it with audacity, Massa, leave me alone” Nuerkie advised.

‘’True, I think a part of me considers the fact that this is an elder and needs to be treated with respect’’ I explained

‘’Elder for where? Then he should be the elder in his house and ask for BJ. Kwasia⁴!’’ she was upset.

‘’I know right, hmmmmmm….. but Nana was right about sleeping with these lights out’’ I changed the topic.

It was warm in my room. We can not afford a generator at this time in my family. The image of Nana’s comfortable bed and duvet with the A.C on seemed like a good idea but it will take more than that to get back with him. Come on, Elorm, have some pride. I thought to myself.

‘’Then come to my end, but when it comes to Nana, I am not covering for you ever again. In fact, I am no longer helping any of my friends fornicate. This dance you guys have been on? He is the only guy you dated from age 21 till 28, a whole degree and masters done! I thought we were breaking free from him’’ Nuerkie sounded frustrated.

‘’he said he still loves me’’ I said knowing it was stupid of me of believe. Nuerkie let out a huge sigh.

‘’Elorm, of course he still does, but is he good for you? You seem to have forgotten, that guy did not know what he wanted. Today, you are the love of his life and he wants to spend forever with you. Next, he plans on relocating so your future with him is unsteady. Another time, his mother is not on board with him marrying you with no particular reason. He is lost and I think you are also hung up on him because he was your first’’

‘’I am not that hung up on him’’ I snapped.

‘’Ayooo, look, we both know the post-breakup routine with you guys. He will constantly give you attention for the next 2 weeks to try to win you back. If it works, you guys are together for like a month. The honeymoon phase wears off. You start asking the difficult questions. He comes up with a bunch of foolish and cryptic answers. You break up, you immerse yourself in church activities. Back to square one. I am tired of this adowa⁵ the two of you dance every time. If you go on ahead, remember this time you are on your own. I am not drying your tears’’ Nuerkie warned.

‘’Ei Kiekie! why so harsh?’’

‘’Because I am exhausted, I am tired of the Nana and Elorm telenovela. Anyway, it is almost 1:00 am, let me catch some sleep. I have a wedding to attend later this afternoon. I am sure I will see Nana there because the groom is his cousin’’

“Alright, well, thanks for the reality check’’ I said

‘’Always welcome, get some sleep, what will you be up to later in the day?’’ Nuerkie asked

‘’The usual, I live with a strict Ewe⁶ mum please. Saturday is not for resting. It is for cleaning and meal prepping for the week so I can attract a husband. I know I should not complain but I am getting tired. When can I wake up to breakfast in bed or just sleep in?’’ I whined

‘’When you pay someone to do the housework. I have told you, with these old folks, what you can not do, pay someone to do it. They will never complain, better still, you can re-locate like Anna’’

‘’I wish I could, but with this my 2700ghs salary. When?’’ I complained

‘’This too shall pass, God dey’’ Nuerkie encouraged.

NANA

‘’Chale⁷, I hear say one of the bridesmaid dey feel you ooo’’ Logo said as he walked with me to my car.

The wedding ceremony we both attended was nice, but I couldn’t wait for the reception.  I overheard the photographers talking about moving to another venue for pictures. I still do not understand this tradition of making your guests wait for hours at a reception. I took pictures with the couple and decided to go to home. Logo was trying to convince me to stay, by saying a bridesmaid is interested. They all looked beautiful but I could not get Elorm out of my mind after seeing her yesterday. It is always a pleasure to spend time with her. I guess let me check up on her and see how she is doing.

Just then I heard this loud voice from afar.

‘’Nana, don’t go, we need to talk’’ Nuerkie shouted from afar. I am sure Elorm told her she met me.

‘’Hi Nuerkie, how are you doing? Been ages. You look great’’ I greeted with a smile.

‘’I am okay’’ she got closer, she greeted Logo and politely asked him to give us some privacy.

‘’I’m all ears’’ I said, I noticed my pleasant greeting calmed her down.

‘’It is not a big deal, but what do you want with Elorm?’’ she asked. Nuerkie has never asked me this question directly. She always had nice way to getting me to talk.

‘’Friends, I think we will all be great friends’’ I said

‘’Friends? Be serious, Nana’’ she scoffed

‘’I want us to start afresh, friends and see where it goes’’ I said

‘’Ah! Seeing where it goes at this time? You dated this lady for almost 8 years, you want to start afresh and see where what goes? I believe you are an adult and you know what you are doing. I will stay out of this but please do not hurt her. She’s been through enough’’ Nuerkie warned and walked away before I could get another word in.

I signaled Logo to come back so we leave.

‘’You dey cool?’’ Logo asked when he sat in the car.

‘’Yeah, just one of those things’’ I answered.

‘’No be your woman ein sisto⁸ dat?’’ Logo asked

‘’Best friend, plus El and I, it is over’’ I said

‘’Oh, that sweet girl. Eno be say you be ma bro like I ron am. I like how she dey, calm, fine, breast, sweet’’ Logo kept lusting after her, as if I do not see him commenting under all her Instagram posts.

‘’Correct babe’’ I added

‘’So, what happen? You cheat on am?’’ he asked

‘’Why do you think I cheated?’’ I answered

‘’She cheated? Eiiiii fear women, innocent face paaaaaa!!!!’ he started being dramatic.

‘’Logo, nobody cheated. I am just surprised you think I did something to her.’’ I exclaimed.

“So was it mutual?’’ he asked

‘’Yes, now let us forget about El and go home’’ I said but I couldn’t stop picturing El and what we used to do when she slept over.

LEXICONS

1. Trotro – A shared minibus or public transport vehicle in Ghana.
2. Mtchewww – An expression of annoyance, disbelief, or disgust; similar to “tsk” or “ugh.”
3. Dumsor – A term used in Ghana to describe frequent power outages or electricity blackouts.
4. Kwasia – A derogatory term in Ghanaian Pidgin for a foolish or silly person.
5. Adowa – A traditional dance and drum music style of the Akan people of Ghana.
6. Ewe – An ethnic group in Ghana (and Togo/Benin) or the language spoken by this group.
7. Chale – A casual Ghanaian slang for “friend,” “buddy,” or “man”; often used to address someone informally.
8. Sisto – Ghanaian Pidgin English for ‘sister’.